I've been inspired to blog again.
Of course, this has happened at the worst of times, because right now I should be packing for a road trip. And I'm not. Which means I have to get up earlier than I'd like so I can pack in the morning and be ready to leave the house at a quarter to seven, all because I need to get to the beautiful Cedar City quickly enough to try to get last-minute tickets for the world-renowned Les Miserables. (Though the likelihood of me getting those tickets is incredibly low, and the trip is really for the purpose of me helping my roommate move into a house that is no longer mine. Sigh.)
That brings up my desire to blog.
You see, I miss Cedar. I spent nine months out of the year in that tiny little town for the last four years, and it has been more of a home to me than my actual home. That's the thing about moving away from your parents' house; you begin to realize how much you've been missing. Living away from home gave me the chance to actually figure out who I was and how I wanted to live life. Before I left home, I depended so much on other people that I couldn't even call a pizza place to order a pizza, even when I was required to for my job.
Because I didn't have my mommy around to make all the big calls and decisions for me, Cedar fixed all that, and now, more than ever, I am wanting to go back.
The problem with finally getting a degree is having to make the change from 17+ years of constant school to the real world, where there is no summer vacation and finding a career takes precedence over having fun. I'm trying to juggle getting internships while keeping the job I have while building up my name in my field while trying to write my own work. I'm actually thinking about buying a car (even though I have no money) because then I wouldn't have to worry about not having a way to get to the many places I need to be. I go to church every week and scope out the congregation hoping to find a new face that screams "marry me now" because, even though I'm only twenty-two, it feels like I'm falling behind when it comes to matrimony, especially now that my friends are having babies with their husbands.
It is all terrifying, and I want nothing more than to make my trip to Cedar City a one way drive.
And yet, even if I don't think I'm ready, it is time to face the "real world" and see just what it is school is supposed to have taught me.
Hello, world. I'm Dana. This is going to be interesting.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Saturday, January 28, 2012
The Ride of Your Life
It's time to contemplate life again.
I feel like I have't done this for a while, which is why I'm writing about it again. We can never think too much about life and how we're a part of it, in my opinion, unless you think too much about how it sucks.
And sometimes it does. Suck, I mean. Sometimes life hits you square in the face and then laughs at you when you fall to the ground with a broken nose. It can be cruel like that.
The best part is what you choose to do once you're on the ground, looking up into the eyes of life.
Some people choose to stay down and wait for the kick, the one that will always come if you sit and wait for it. Life never hesitates to kick you when you're down, because let's face it--it's too much fun. For life, I mean. Why settle for a simple punch when you can get a few good kicks in at the same time? For this reason, I think a lot of people hate life. They always get one or two or three kicks after the initial smack in the face.
Personally, life and I are great friends.
Now, I've received my fair share of hits to the face. Things happen, things we don't plan on, things we think will be the end of us. I've had people die, boys drop me and ignore me, friends decide I am no longer worth a text or two. My life has never been easy, just as I'm sure your life has never been easy. That's the thing, though. I don't think life is supposed to be easy. What good would that do us if all we had to do was sit back and enjoy the ride? We need that thrill we get after climbing the long and rickety slope that brings us a lot higher than we'd ever admit to being comfortable reaching.
It's that first drop that is my favorite.
Has anyone else been on a roller coaster, gotten to the top of the chain, and thought, "Oh no, what if the track isn't even there? WE'RE GONNA DIE!"? Okay, maybe that's just me, but the analogy is working in my head, so I'm going to stick with it. Even if it is a little backwards once I explain it.
Sometimes, we're going up and up and up in life, climbing and climbing, getting more terrified as they days pass. "This isn't where I want to be. This is all wrong. I want to be safe on the ground with the butterflies and bunnies where I can't see the vultures circling." Life is pulling us along and there's nothing we can do about it. "Everything is going wrong--I'm going to die."
(In case you didn't know, this is the face-smacking before the down-kicking.)
It's hard to know when you've finally reached the top of that roller coaster, especially when you're not in the front of the coaster--and let's face it; most of us are nowhere near close enough to the front to see where life is going. You have no idea where life is taking you, and it feels like everything is just going to fall out from under you, leaving you in midair with that expression cartoon characters get right before they fall off that cliff.
This is where it all comes down to you.
The way I see it, on this, the roller coaster of life (which is ridiculously cliche, I know), you get to decide if you stay in your seat. If you choose, you can lift up that bar and jump right on out. You can give up and decide life isn't worth it; it isn't worth the smacking. The only problem with this is, because by this point you're pretty high up, you will fall to your horrible and painful death. Metaphorically. Personally, I like to stay in my seat. The ride is a little more fun that way.
If you want to keep the ride going, you have to decide to put life back in its place. You have to tell it that it has no business kicking you; you've already been smacked. It's your turn now. I find great pleasure in knowing (or at least thinking) I have the power to hit right back, and give life a good smack in the face. Sure, things go wrong. But man, the ride that follows has got to be the most amazing thing I could imagine--better than I could imagine.
That's the thing about roller coasters--you can go on the same one over and over again, but somehow, the ride never feels the same. Every time it is different, because you're always in a different seat. Sometimes you can see where the tracks are taking you. You can see where your life is headed so you can anticipate the twists and turns and feel just a little bit safer. Most of the time, though, you have no idea, and you're just there for the ride, ready to take it as it comes. That's my favorite.
So yeah, life sucks sometimes. You feel like the punches in the face (or the clanking of the chain) will never end, and you just keep going higher and higher until you feel like there's no way but down (in the sense of that lovely metaphorical death). Unless you decide to stay in your seat and keep facing life, you'll probably end up on the ground. Maybe you won't be dead, but you'll be stuck licking your wounds and waiting for the paramedics to arrive--and sometimes they take forever. But if you're on the ground, you miss the ride! If you don't tell life you're not going to let it give you a good kick, you won't be able to experience that jolting turn as you go through that corkscrew, or get that unsettling feeling you get when you drop down and temporarily leave your stomach behind. You'll have more ups and downs, good and bad, but you won't find the same exhilaration anywhere else.
So which will you choose? When life hits you right between the eyes, are you going to give up and jump out, or are you going to go for the ride of your life? Literally.
I feel like I have't done this for a while, which is why I'm writing about it again. We can never think too much about life and how we're a part of it, in my opinion, unless you think too much about how it sucks.
And sometimes it does. Suck, I mean. Sometimes life hits you square in the face and then laughs at you when you fall to the ground with a broken nose. It can be cruel like that.
The best part is what you choose to do once you're on the ground, looking up into the eyes of life.
Some people choose to stay down and wait for the kick, the one that will always come if you sit and wait for it. Life never hesitates to kick you when you're down, because let's face it--it's too much fun. For life, I mean. Why settle for a simple punch when you can get a few good kicks in at the same time? For this reason, I think a lot of people hate life. They always get one or two or three kicks after the initial smack in the face.
Personally, life and I are great friends.
Now, I've received my fair share of hits to the face. Things happen, things we don't plan on, things we think will be the end of us. I've had people die, boys drop me and ignore me, friends decide I am no longer worth a text or two. My life has never been easy, just as I'm sure your life has never been easy. That's the thing, though. I don't think life is supposed to be easy. What good would that do us if all we had to do was sit back and enjoy the ride? We need that thrill we get after climbing the long and rickety slope that brings us a lot higher than we'd ever admit to being comfortable reaching.
It's that first drop that is my favorite.
Has anyone else been on a roller coaster, gotten to the top of the chain, and thought, "Oh no, what if the track isn't even there? WE'RE GONNA DIE!"? Okay, maybe that's just me, but the analogy is working in my head, so I'm going to stick with it. Even if it is a little backwards once I explain it.
Sometimes, we're going up and up and up in life, climbing and climbing, getting more terrified as they days pass. "This isn't where I want to be. This is all wrong. I want to be safe on the ground with the butterflies and bunnies where I can't see the vultures circling." Life is pulling us along and there's nothing we can do about it. "Everything is going wrong--I'm going to die."
(In case you didn't know, this is the face-smacking before the down-kicking.)
It's hard to know when you've finally reached the top of that roller coaster, especially when you're not in the front of the coaster--and let's face it; most of us are nowhere near close enough to the front to see where life is going. You have no idea where life is taking you, and it feels like everything is just going to fall out from under you, leaving you in midair with that expression cartoon characters get right before they fall off that cliff.
This is where it all comes down to you.
The way I see it, on this, the roller coaster of life (which is ridiculously cliche, I know), you get to decide if you stay in your seat. If you choose, you can lift up that bar and jump right on out. You can give up and decide life isn't worth it; it isn't worth the smacking. The only problem with this is, because by this point you're pretty high up, you will fall to your horrible and painful death. Metaphorically. Personally, I like to stay in my seat. The ride is a little more fun that way.
If you want to keep the ride going, you have to decide to put life back in its place. You have to tell it that it has no business kicking you; you've already been smacked. It's your turn now. I find great pleasure in knowing (or at least thinking) I have the power to hit right back, and give life a good smack in the face. Sure, things go wrong. But man, the ride that follows has got to be the most amazing thing I could imagine--better than I could imagine.
That's the thing about roller coasters--you can go on the same one over and over again, but somehow, the ride never feels the same. Every time it is different, because you're always in a different seat. Sometimes you can see where the tracks are taking you. You can see where your life is headed so you can anticipate the twists and turns and feel just a little bit safer. Most of the time, though, you have no idea, and you're just there for the ride, ready to take it as it comes. That's my favorite.
So yeah, life sucks sometimes. You feel like the punches in the face (or the clanking of the chain) will never end, and you just keep going higher and higher until you feel like there's no way but down (in the sense of that lovely metaphorical death). Unless you decide to stay in your seat and keep facing life, you'll probably end up on the ground. Maybe you won't be dead, but you'll be stuck licking your wounds and waiting for the paramedics to arrive--and sometimes they take forever. But if you're on the ground, you miss the ride! If you don't tell life you're not going to let it give you a good kick, you won't be able to experience that jolting turn as you go through that corkscrew, or get that unsettling feeling you get when you drop down and temporarily leave your stomach behind. You'll have more ups and downs, good and bad, but you won't find the same exhilaration anywhere else.
So which will you choose? When life hits you right between the eyes, are you going to give up and jump out, or are you going to go for the ride of your life? Literally.
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