Touched

Why is it never simple when it comes to my brain? Even when there aren't a million thoughts running through my head telling me to do stuff, it's complicated. For me, silence is more complicated than chaos. I have days when I can't even think about anything at all and I just lounge around watching pointless TV shows that don't even stimulate me in any way. They don't even make me want to write, which, for me, means something is definitely wrong. I can't figure out why I have these days or what their purpose is, and it frustrates me to no end when I fall into these sort of ruts. They're a problem because it is so hard to get out of my daze. It takes a phone call from a friend I haven't seen for four months, or a story about trolls and cherry pie, or hearing about some crazed, screaming man running around a Walmart parking lot in his underwear. Without something odd, random, and/or ridiculous, I get stuck. Hence the beginnings of a blog.

Oddly, or maybe not oddly, I can't think in my own head. It doesn't work that way for me. Thinking has to be done on paper--except for when it comes to math, which is beside the point. Even if no one sees it, reads it, or hears me read it, once something is written it all makes so much more sense. Without a doubt my fingers are smarter than my brain, which illustrates how disfunctional my life really is.

I'm run by a combination of at least five major personalities, with several smaller minds on the outskirts. One brain is the one that got me through most of my life. Lanna is simple, shy, a hopeless romantic, and holds a deeply rooted desire to rebel. She has a darker side, however, and one that isn't the smartest of the bunch.

Catherine is, for lack of a better word, a brat. She doesn't usually come out to play, but she spent a good deal of time running my life way back when I was ten. Good times.

The final three personalities that make me who I am are, strangely, men. What's even stranger, however, is the fact that they are all the same man, only his personalities.

Damian loves fun, lives life to the fullest, and actually understands what it means to live.

Jak, on the other hand, is more on the suicidal though he'll never actually be able to go through with it. He, himself, has more than one personality, which makes my life even more complicated than it really is. With Jak around, I never know exactly what I can expect from myself. Luckily, he only comes out strong when I've eaten an apple

Malik is the biggest influence in my head and is the reason I have a thousand-page novel. Without his brilliance, resilience, and strength, nothing could have been accomplished. He is the backbone of my writing career (which has yet to begin) and will always be there to help me through tough spots. As far as he goes, he's been through it all and has more experience than I'll ever hope to have.

To put things simply, I'm messed up. At least I've admitted the fact and can say that I work to control my head and keep my life running smoothly. We'll see how well that works out.

The point of this blog was to get me out of a rut/writer's block/Dana-style depression, and we'll see in the morning if it worked. For any reading this, I'm sorry.